Carah's Blog

LOGGING OFF!

Ugh… It's been such a weird couple of days for me.  I have always been an internet person.  I have always loved social media and NEVER have been one to complain about it.  If people wanted to whine of Facebook about something.. it never affected me.  I just would scroll past it.  I have never been one to whine on social media either.  Not because I want to show a perfect life, but because I don't really feel like anyone cares about my problems or my depressing day.

Yesterday was the day that started these odd feelings.  It came out of no where.  First was a little joke.  I said something in the vlog that was supposed to be sarcastic and dramatic.. it ended up offending so many people.  I didn't think a title of a vlog was too big of a deal.  I mean… We all do it… we all use a little click-bait here and there… that's Youtube for ya.. lol.  But I got a lot of mean comments about it. My whole comment section was filled with things like. "Hopefully something bad doesn't happen to you… you know how the universe works." "You don't even care about our feelings and that we were worried about your family." "You must be desperate!" "What about all those people who are ACTUALLY DYING!" Usually I can brush off a few mean comments here and there.  But yesterday I felt ganged up on… and it made me want to just NOT sign into my youtube and read anything… and honestly… quit vlogging for a while. So instead of sulking… I went to watch some other videos that I would find enjoyable.  Michelle Phan.. She always makes good inspiring videos.  I LOVED it.  Such a well done thought out video with great ideas.  I left a nice comment about it and decided to read the comments from other people. There was SO much bashing.  So many people calling each other names.  Arguing over every little thing on the planet. Not only that but i personally found the arguments a little petty which is why it got to me even more. People couldn't just watch her video in a light hearted way.  EVERYTHING had to be taken out of context.. taken far too seriously… and made into heavy negativity.  I was already in a bad mood so that just was the icing.  So I moved on.  I started reading an article that was posted on my FB feed about a girl in the public eye who gets scrutinized about her thin frame. As someone who has struggled with anorexia… I HATE body shaming.  I thought this would be a positive article on how we can stop body shaming and make a change.  Again… people weren't looking at it in a positive "Let's do something to change this!" attitude. People were saying things like "SHE DESERVES IT!" and "Eat a burger!"  It was like.. no matter where I went… it was DARK.  No happiness… no uplifting… no support anywhere. 

Today I felt off.  REALLY off.  Travis even asked me what was wrong and I told him I didn't know. I just feel off.  I'm not mad, or sad… just off.  Kind of like I just want to sit and stare off into space, be in my own head and not talk to anyone. (which is kind of impossible as a Mom.. LOL.)  You know when you were a teenager and you would lock yourself in your room to read a book or listen to music, and all you wanted was be alone. Yeah, that's what I wanted to do today.

That's when I sat down at my computer tonight to relax and came across another article on my Facebook feed that someone posted.  "WHY MARRIAGES DON'T WORK TODAY!"  This is the kind of article I roll my eyes at all of the time.  Being stupid I clicked it.  Started reading and realized…. THIS.  THIS IS WHY I FEEL THE WAY I FEEL.  So much unnecessary negativity has been poured into my life the last couple days from stupid stuff on the INTERNET.  I feel like I haven't read ONE positive thing in the last 2 days.  Everyone seems so unhopeful and resentful about LIFE and about the world we live in. It started making me feel like there was no hope for the world… and I have NEVER FELT THAT WAY. I found myself EXPREMELY annoyed with people attitudes.

It made me realize.  There are a lot of cynical people in the world. A lot of people who bully, who blame, who want to tear others down to make themselves feel better. Make others feel sad because they feel sad.  There are so many people who fish for comments with negativity.  I just HATE IT. Yes I complain at times…. I am aware of this.  TOTALLY AWARE.  As you know.. me and Travis have been really trying to change this in our lives. But even though I complain sometimes.. I have always considered myself someone that sees the world through rose colored glasses… almost nieve at times.

I decided that I need to step back.  Not from Youtube of course. I will still be uploading videos for you guys regularly.. and updating twitter and things.  But I think sometimes its important to unplug when you feel affected by people online.  I need to log off.  I need to skip all these constant articles and blog posts people share on my FB feed.  I'm done reading about how your parenting styles are better than mine.  Why you are a better person for eating Organic non GMO gluten free diets. Why you are smarter than me for not vaccinating. Why you have no kids but when you do they will NEVER watch TV.  Why marriages will never work today.  Why you are ruining your kid with an iPad. It's like a dark cloud over our heads ALL THE TIME with every single decision we make.  I wish us as a society lived more light-heartedly.  Didn't take things so serious.  Just let things go.

I guess what I am trying to say is… I'm logging off for a while.  Doing what I DO online and leaving it at that.  :) Have you ever taken a hiatus off the internet? If so why? Let me know your thoughts in the comments!